Silent Lucidity
by Friday13Chica
Summary: Dean felt it before he even heard it....Something I wrote after watching Heart. First Fic so please be nice!


**Disclaimer**:obviously i don't own them. If i did we'd see a lot more a Sam in a towel. and a lot smaller towel

My first storyso be nice

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Dean felt it before he heard the shot. It was a sudden chill… a sense of impending doom that spread through his body chilling his heart. He drew a quick intake of breathe and spun around. That's when he heard it. A loud gun shot. 

Dean had heard many a gun shot before. But none were like this. None has this earth shattering feel. None had ever shaken him down to the core like this. None had he ever felt destroy him in one single second. This one had.

It seemed that everything was frozen for a second after the shot. Dean stood there staring at the door. Wondering if he had the strength to open it. His world was imploding and all he could do was stand there staring at a bathroom door of a dingy little motel room. You have to open it eventually a little voice in his head was telling him. But he couldn't. He couldn't let himself see. But then he looked at the floor. At the dark red blood oozing from under the door onto the carpet.

If it was possible to kill a person's heart twice in just a minute this is the only to describe how Dean felt at that moment. The sight of it sickened him. Dean felt like throwing up. But he couldn't all he could do was stare at the door.

Finally he out his hand on the handle and turned the knob. There was Sam. His family, his best friend, his partner in crime, his little brother…..on the floor. The blood was pooling beneath him like some twisted red halo, or maybe that was all in Dean's head. Sam's eyes were closed and maybe this was a good thing, Dean couldn't have dealt with Sam's puppy dog eyes, not when they couldn't acknowledge him . His face was calm, at peace. All the years of worry and sadness were gone. The gun was on the floor lying a few feet away from Sam's hand. It was the same gun he had killed Madison with. It was almost poetic in Dean's mind, but then again no one could have been completely sure what was going through Dean's mind at that moment.

Dean was horrified. He was sickened. He was distressed. But he wasn't surprised. With everything that had happened since Jess died, it had just kept piling up for the poor kid. Dad died, Dean had gone off the rocker and then he was told he was going to turn into some monster. Dean kept kicking himself for telling Sam, for not protecting him against that pain. Dean should've noticed something was wrong when Sam stopped planning on going back to school. Stopped wanting to be normal. But Dean was too wrapped up in his own grief, his own fear and anguish.

Hell, Dean understood why he did it. He went through the same thing when dad died. Dean had tried to kill himself, just a week after Dad died. He had taken a bottle of pills and left Sam to find him on the floor of some bathroom of a dingy motel….kind of like this one. But Sam found him on time; Sam had always managed to be there just when Dean needed him. When Dean had woken up the morning after he found Sam hovering over him. Instead of yelling at him like Dean expected him to do, he told Dean how he had wanted to kill himself too. But at the final moment he couldn't do it... Sam couldn't leave Dean like that. So he stuck around…..for Dean. Dean needed Sam then even if he wouldn't admit it to himself

"Damn it Sammy, I need you now too" Dean whispered.

The air around him was deathly still and smelled like blood and tears mixed together. The room felt as if it was closing in around him, as Dean experienced an attack of claustrophobia. Everything was spinning as Dean felt like throwing up again. Dean kept his eyes on Sam as he slowly sunk to his knees, shaking. A single tear fell from his eyes as the image of his Sammy in a pool of blood was forever imprinted in his mind. Slowly Dean leaned over his brother, and hugged his little brother. He sat there rocking back and forth clinging desperately to his brother, his Sammy. His eyes were wild searching for something but even dean didn't know what that was. Until his eyes focused on the gun. His hand shaking, he clasped the gun in his hand and turned it to himself. Dean whispered to the empty room "Goodbye Sammy" and pulled the trigger.


End file.
